Make your restaurant special
Reply to: res-985322143@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-01-08, 4:08PM EST
Have you ever witnessed a fellow diner’s marriage proposal during a nice meal? Instantaneously that restaurant is a special place, a chosen place, where one of the most important events of a lifetime was played out. Other diners become audience members and supporters; more often than not, they go on to tell their family and friends about the experience. The engagement site gains excitement, intimacy, and importance, and the restaurant is remembered and revisited (and used for more engagements).
My partner and I are college educated, 25-year-old working actors who enjoy dining out. We are happy to stage believable public engagements that enhance the restaurant experience for other diners. In exchange, we require a complimentary meal and drinks. We are professional, easy to work with, and do this because we think it’s fun. This is especially successful at new restaurants or restaurants that are striving for a more upscale clientele.
Serious inquiries only.
Old man: So you think I should leave her?
Young man: You know what they say the magic words are in a serious relationship.
Old man: What?
Young man: One word, two syllables. ‘Goodbye’.
Old man: That’s two words.
Young man: Oh. You’re right.
(two words, two syllables for the 36-year-old woman Old man is dating: GET OUT).
- parked in front of Fantasy Video to ‘watch the perverts’
- played marker assassin at school
- had theme days (messy hair day, no underwear day)
- left notes under desks when we had the same seat in the same classroom but were in different sections
- sat in the hallway in the morning
- talked on AIM
- crashed cars in parking lots
- bought some goldfish and watched them die
- kidnapped one another (bound and gagged, thrown in the back of a car and taken to a field and once a deserted house)
- went to theater competitions
I like similes that usual animals in their comparisons, as they are extremely visual and often beg some leap of the imagination (it’s easier to picture simile animals as cartoons or drawings, not the National Geographic kind):
as hungry as a bear
as slippery as an eel
as wise as an owl
as blind as a bat
But the best are animal similes that don’t make a sense:
as happy as a clam
as sick as a dog
as healthy as a horse (debatable)
And, my favorite:
as drunk as a skunk
Lucas: i’m going to lunch
your blog is dead
Hmm, Are You My Benefactor? has been particularly stagnant recently (read: the last month), largely because I’m not longer a temp. However, I believe it’s not over until tumblr removes it for inactivity, so we’re back on. To catch up on the last month, I’d like to share some of the things I’ve Googled (this should also be a coffee table book, with famous people and the things they’ve Googled in the last thirty days):
The Things I’ve Googled (abridged)
Publishing interview
Questions at a publishing interview
work in publishing
Interview thank you letters
Ask for more money, interview
Halloween punch
Monster Punch
The Count Muppets (image search)
The Count costume
Should I be a journalist?
Be a journalist
Should I be an English professor
Become an English professor
Cockroach in shower
How much earwax is normal (web and image search)
slow cookers
what’s the difference between a crockpot and a slow cooker
work for city council
puppycam
puppy of the day
obama puppy
On the F train:
Mom: Do you know what today is?
Little Girl: My bithday day!
Mom: That’s right. And because you’ve been such a good girl and you’ve been responsible with your guinea pig — you’ve fed him and played with him and cleaned his cage — we have decided to get you what you really wanted. Do you remember what you really wanted?
Little Girl: ….no…
Mom (whips out a stuffed puppy): Woof woof woof!
Little Girl: Doggy!
Mom: What do you want to name him?
Little Girl: MUD PUDDLES!
*10 bucks says that four-year-old gets a real puppy she didn’t remember she wanted tonight. Too bad for mom and the next 16 years of dog food and vet bills, the stuffed puppy would have done the trick.
I wonder if there is a formal name for the practice of spelling words by giving a phonetic example for each letter. Phone operators have a memorized database and develop a sing-songy quality when giving you a confirmation: “A as in apple, C as in cat, P as in pear, H as in hat…” You can’t help but picture every noun named - like a kindergarten alphabet reader with delicious pictures. When poor numbers are thrown in, they sound stark and plain in comparison, the uncoordinated middle child.
The other day, the Comcast lady, who was clearly in the middle of India, gave such a lovely, lilting, poetic reading of my full name that I wanted to ask her to do it again so I could write it down or secretly record it:
R as in rabbit
A as in apple
C as in can
H as in hero
E as in elephant …
